With Halloween Approaching trick or treaters will soon be knocking at our doors demanding candy in exchanged for not toilet papering our houses, some Dungeon Masters attempt to run horror games and sessions I personally find that while the occasional knock may scare the life out of the players at the right moment more often than not it spoils the flow of the game.

So instead I tend to play something a little lighter, something like Zombies!!!, All Flesh Must Be Eaten or as in this case Kobolds Ate My Baby.
If you are unfamiliar with Kobolds Ate My Baby, KAMB is considered one of the earliest "Beer and Pretzels game" which is any of a class of tabletop games that are light on rules and strategy, feature a high amount of randomness and a light often humorous theme.

In Kobolds Ate My Baby you play the aforementioned kobold under the ruler ship of King Torg (All Hail King Torg) Lord Of The Chicken Bone Throne who requires the players to go out to the nearby human town and bring back the freshest, human babies you can find (along with whatever else his taste buds desire that day) or risk been thrown into the cook pot themselves.

Games often last little more than hour and can be easily picked up with fresh characters, in fact death and chaos is common place with it been fully expected that players will die at least a few times, as those who don't throw themselves headlong into danger and excitement risk incurring the wrath of Vor the big red angry god who HATES cowards.

So in the spirit of Halloween I have design a short one shot adventure for KAMB where our clueless little fuzzballs encounter Halloween for the first time and must gather candy tribute for the glory of King Torg (All Hail King Torg). While Kobolds Ate My Baby in Colour was used to design the encounters the adventure can easily be adapted for earlier editions or for the Home Brew Kobolds Ate My Baby (TG Edition) which is designed for play by post.
Finally thanks must be given to Labyrinthian over at the Labyrinth for designing the map used for this adventure and making available for free.

For clarification like many publications by WOTC's or 3rd party writers italic paragraphs will sections to be read out to the players with alterations if needed while regular text is information for the Dungeon Master.

Kobolds Ate My Baby Adventure: Trick & Treat Troubles

This short adventure is design for between 4 to 6 Kobolds and should take approximately a hour and a half to complete depending on how much trouble and chaos occurs.
This adventure contains several customised items and rule variants which will be listed at the end of the area descriptions

The following paragraph should be read just before or during character creation.

Things have been quiet in the Grand Larder Cellar of King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) but tonight the humans nearby have been seen giving tributes of sweets to various monsters visiting their homes. King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) feels that it is only fitting that tribute be collected in his name and you.. yes you have been sent out with your comrades to one of the nearby villages to gather it. 
Oh and whoever brings back the least tribute best bring back something for dinner unless they want to risk been in the pot.

During this adventure the Kobolds will have the advantage that at first the humans within the town will believe they are trick or treaters and gain the benefits similar to the Winning Smile Edge.

However should any kobold act in a manner that causes the humans to attack (such as eat a cat in front of a little old lady) then every undisguised kobold (those not in costume) will lose this benefit to the affected human. In this case Kobolds with Winning Smile can use this edge to continue to fool the Humans into believing they are a innocent trick or treaters.

Once play is ready to begin read the following.

Gear in hand your motley group departs from the run down manor in which the Grand Larder Cellar resides seen off by the long forks of King Torgs (All Hail King Torg!) Royal Guard The Royale Wid Cheez. As you approach Stickston surprisingly all in one piece a commotion up ahead catches your attention as a group of thin spindly humans seem to be dangling a rather large imp upside down. Taking its brown bag from its hands they drop the imp as you near, giving you a dirty look while they suck on their smoke sticks before walking past you up the path from were you came. 
It seems without tribute to steal you were of no interest to them. 

The Kobolds now enter the map as a group, this can be done randomly though I recommend beginning at the path next to house 1 and each Kobold is capable of moving up to five squares.
With the exception of houses 1, 7 and 8 all doors to the houses are located on the South facing wall of each house, House 1 door is located on the East path facing side of the building and 7 and 8's are located on the north of the building respectively.

Locations:

House 1: Farm House "Witch" 
Occupants: 1 Old Human (Woman), 1 Cat
Loot: 4 Cooking Utensils, Kitchen Knife, a bowl containing 12 candy, Sack of Potatoes, Big Cook Pot.

Ahead of you a small human child with an impressively big witches hat and black dress with a pair of equally small zombies knocks at the spider web covered door of the old house, the door opening with a creak the small group roars as a elderly looking witch (with equally impressive hat) begins to hand out a small piece of candy placing it it into the tribute bags (or pumpkin in the small witches case) each of them is holding. Seemingly satisfied the little witch and her minions move on and the door closes.

While your candy hungry kobolds might be wanting to ambush and steal from the Trick or Treaters, this scene is to introduce the Kobolds into the concept of trick or treating so it might be for the best if the Tricker or Treaters escape harm (for now).

Kobolds approaching the house will see that it looks like most human dwellings though seemingly thick spider webs like its walls and that a pair of hollow carved pumpkins sit either side of the door.
 
If any of the Kobolds are interested of taking a look inside the house there is a solitary window which shutters are ajar on the south side of the house, however the window is a little high for the average kobold so Sport rolls or something to stand on (like another kobold) will be needed. 

If the kobold in question gets around that problem the old black cat Grumpo is currently resting on the windowsill and will happily take a swing at anyone disturbing his nap but behind him the entire bowl of candy is sat on a table beside the window.
The old woman is sitting in a rocking chair by the firepit on the other side of the room reading a book with her and is unlikely to notice any commotion unless its very obvious.

Trick Or Treating  

Any kobold who turns up to a house, knocks and shouts trick or treating, All Hail King Torg or generally roars will be given candy.

The first kobold at a house gets two pieces of candy, any further "trick or treaters" not in a different costume or disguise only gets one due to "copying costumes". If they turn up in a group then randomly roll to see who gets the bonus candy (usually those with the highest luck, Winning Smile or pushing to the front will find themselves at a advantage.)

If the kobolds are clever (or greedy) they might be able to get further candy from an already visited house by getting a new costume/disguise but there is only so much candy to be handed out.

As candy is so small they will usually be able to hold two in each paw, after that additional candy melts in their grubby mitts getting their paws all sticky and unpleasant so finding something to put the candy in is vital. 

1a: Backyard
Loot: Washing Line with a sheet, and some very large bloomers hanging on it, an old bucket with a few pegs.

Just a few items for the kobolds to start creating costumes from and the bucket can be held in one hand as used as a Tribute Bag.

House 2: Baby Sitters 
Occupants: 2 Teenages (Kids: Good), 1 Baby!
Loot: A bowl containing 10 candy, Cooking Utensil, Hoodie, kid's clothes, backpack, Baby!

This Human dwelling walls are painted bright and various small colourful paper chains hanging
from its roof along the building, while there are several windows around the building all the shutters are closed but the sound of giggling can be heard within. A large looking tomb stone and a pumpkin carved with a massive jagged mouth sit by the door.

When/if the kobolds knock on this door:

The door opens and behind it stands a tall, scrawny red faced human looking down at you, a waft of hot air drifting out catches your nose and the scent is unmistakable there is a delicious baby somewhere within!  

At this point if the kobolds don't immediately attack they are most likely planning their heist and trying to figure out how to get around the human.

The simplest ways to do this are:

• Attempt to sneak past him (2 Dice Sneak Roll) when his back is turned to collect the candy bowl, which may cause issues if all the kobolds do this at once.
• Get the ladder from area 6 and go down the chimney suffering a little bit of fall damage. 
• Break open one of the window shutters and climb in but this may be noisy.

Once inside the House 2 is very simple been only a main room which consists of a kitchen/dining room with plenty of places to hide and a pair of doors leading to bedrooms, one of which contains the other babysitter and the other in which the baby in a pumpkin costume (which may confuse our poor kobolds as it smells like baby but looks like vegetable) lays in its cot.

House 3: Farm House "Halloween Party"
Occupants: 1 Townies, 1 Elf (Adventurer), 5 kids
Loot: A bowl containing 11 candy, a large bowl of Punch (2 handed,), several plates of crisps, cold sausage and cheese on a stick (enough for 2 fillers), Red Table Cloth.

A red clothed table covered plates of snacks sits outside this rather well kept dwelling, it seems the humans here know how to give tribute in style with drinks and fine cheeses. A pair of werewolves, flesh golum and two zombies from seem to taking part in various contests while observed by two humans, one of which is wearing a pair of obviously fake elf ears and holding a bowl of candy.. really who would pretend to be a elf?

The kobolds are welcome to help themselves to the snacks though may get strange looks if they begin pouring them into their tribute bags, the couple won't turn hostile towards the kobolds unless they do anything very wrong like attacking the children. 

3a: Party Games

Pin The Wings On The Fairy: You could use a Extraneous roll here to determine success but if you have a spare piece of paper handy draw a quick outline of a person on the paper and place it on the floor or on the table. Give the Player a pen (lid on), tell him to close his eyes and attempt to put the point of the pen in the middle of the fairies back whilst guided by his fellow kobolds.
If he succeeds he gets a candy or a skeleton mask (1 Armour)
Anyone caught cheating take a Kobold Horrible Death Cheque.  


Piñata: At 2 people must take part and up to four can try at once, if not enough kobolds are available of the kids will join in instead.

Note the following is easier if you have a grid for yourself with details and one for the players to see.

1. Randomly determine which corner each Kobold begins in but do not tell them, they are blindfolded remember. The arrows represent their starting direction.
2. Decide in which of the four centre squares the Piñata is located, it has 8 Hits and Agility 2.
3. Each turn a Kobold can perform 3 actions which can be from any of the following:
1. Move one square.
2. Turn 90 degrees.
3. Attack
4. Anyone wishing to use a Wacking Stick (4 Dam) will need to Heft it.
5. Continue until someone is horribly injured or the Piñata is destroyed.
6. The  Piñata contains 15 candy for kobolds to grab.

Bobbing for apples: 3 Dice Wrassle Rolls to grab an apple serious failure may result in drowning. 

House 4: Weavers House
Occupants: 1 Dirt Merchant, 1 Old Human, 1 Bird.
Loot:  A bowl containing 6 candy, cook pot of oxtail soup (1 hit), wooden ladle, a massive stack of baskets, bowls and hampers.

This humble dwelling has a small sign with pictures of various baskets hanging above its door and from a nearby open window the warm of a fire and the smell of something wonderful cooking teases you.

Any particular scrawny or injured looking kobolds will be fussed over by the couple and ushered into the house to receive a bowl of soup, of course a kobold may assume the worse and be expected to be put into the soup.

House 5: Tavern 
Occupants: 1 Innkeeper, 1 Wench, 2 Veteran, 1 Old Human.
Loot: A dozen packets of peanuts, Grog & Beer on Tap, 4 bottles of random booze, mugs (2 Dam), Beer Mats. 

The kobolds won't get any candy here as the locals just want a quiet night, any attempts at trick or treating will result in several metal disks (coins) been shoved into the kobolds hands or if they are insistent (mostly by pointing) they may get a packet of nuts. A enterprising kobold may be able to collect enough dregs of drinks to make a dirty pint (treat as grog) but if they really want loot without a fight they are going to have to Steal it from the bar or Sneak into the Beer Cellar (3 Dice Sneak Check).

Beer Cellar
Occupants: 1 Giant Rat
Loot: Several empty Kegs, Several huge kegs of grog, 8 Strong Booze (+1 on roll when rolling to see what it is), 4 cheese wheels, 4 legs of mutton, a whole dried pork (Heft), A chest full of metal disks.
 
With luck the kobolds have snuck (or murdered) their way into the Beer Cellar, they are can collect the bottles of good booze easily but if they attempt to take the cheese wheels the rat will attack.

House 6: Empty House 
Occupants: 4 Giant Rats
Loot: Ladder, Salt and Pepper Shakers, Colander, 1 Dead Human (adult, partly eaten), 2 Pumpkins. Cleaver. Sack of Feathers, Golden Syrup.

Description outside:

A trio of (rather tall) goblins are knocking angry at the door but there seems to be no reply, taking what appears to be toilet roll from their tribute bags they begin to dance around the dwelling hurling the rolls over the roof watching them unroll. A poor throw cause a roll to land on the hat of the Scarecrow of the adjoining vegetable patch and the sound of nervous clucking can be heard from the chicken coop.

If the kobolds approach the trick or treaters they are offered a toilet roll to join in, otherwise the three soon grow bored and walk off. If the kobold attack the trick or treaters use the Kids (Bad) stats and they have loot of 4 candy each.

6a: Vegetable Patch And Chicken Coop 
Occupants: 5 Chickens
Loot: Enough Root Vegetables for 2 fillers, 2 Pumpkins, Toilet Paper, a Scarecrow, Chicken.

Getting inside the area is easy enough as the gate is unlocked but if for any reason the Kobolds wish to climb the fence than a 2 Dice Sports Check is required. Likewise the Chicken Coop is easy to enter but a unwary kobold may end up pecked to death.
The scarecrow takes a 1 Dice Heft Check to carry or can be stripped for a cloth sack, straw hat and chequered shirt.   

Any one examining the dwelling closer will notice the side door in the garden is slightly open and the house could be entered that way.

The house is pitch black inside but your keen senses let you see clearly, the smell of death hangs in the air like the necromancer Nodknows old socks and the sound of gnawing can be heard.

If the Kobolds actually enter:

A pool of dried blood and what seems to be a partly eaten human adult lays next to what you think is a swivel chair, from the darkness the beady eyes of several large rats (or snacks as you like to think of them) gaze with hateful hunger.

If the Kobolds want to loot the house they will have to deal with the hungry rats first, also anyone trying to stand on the swivel chair takes not 1 but 2 Kobold Horrible Death Cheques. 

House 7: Herbalist 
Occupants: 1 Mage
Loot: Hooded Robes, 5 Random Spell Pages, Pumpkin Pie (heals 2 hit), Poker, Booze, A Sack Of Spices.

This small human dwelling is ill kept even by kobold standards and you live in a hole in the ground. The weeds are Kobold-high and the paint is peeling from the walls, it seems there used to be a window but its shutters have been nailed shut and a faded picture of a pestle and mortar is painted upon it. A note is hooked upon the door with human scribbles all over it and a arrow pointing behind the house. 

The Herbalist is quite disliked in Stickston generally rude, cruel and foul tempered, its likely that if the Kobolds don't finish him off tonight the villagers will in the next few days after they learn about the note.

The note reads "Those looking for candy, go around the back and get what is coming to you." leading any would be trick or treaters to his angry dog Bruno.
Whilst been a mage the Kobolds will have the advantage while attempting to break in that the Herbalist is asleep unless their banging wakes him up, at which point he answers the door to yell at those who disturb him. 

7a: Big Dog 

Occupants: Big Dog, Kid (Good)
Loot: Hollow Pumpkin (actually plastic), 13 Pieces Of Candy, Large Joint Of Meat, Spiked Collar (1 Armour)
 
Turning the corner you hear a growl and the rattle of chain, before you is the biggest dog you've ever seen (admittedly the only dog you've ever seen but its still big) with short black fur and long sharp teeth almost rivalling your own.  A long metal chain running from its spiked collar is attached to a pole nearby by which sits a large joint of meat, at its feet candy is spilling out across the ground from a dropped pumpkin. The small witch you saw earlier is leaning back trapped against the wall of the dwelling just inches from the dogs snapping maw.

Bruno the dog is a bad dog, like his owner he is foul tempered and hates children and gets into fights regularly, even Animal Chum won't help here.

Bruno:
8B 6E 4E 6R / 2 AGL / Wrassle / Bite 2 Dam / 2 VP
Should any poor Kobold with the In Heat Boogie be Wrassled by Bruno they must instantly make a Kobold Horrible Death Check.

Of course the kobolds could try and simply sneak past Bruno and steal his joint of meat but they should remember Vor HATES cowards but those brave (and surviving) Kobolds who rid the world of this bad dog will find themselves rewarded with a hug, a kiss on the cheek, candy and a bonus epilogue if they survive the adventure.
After Bruno is dealt with the girl flees (after fore mentioned hugs) abandoning her candy, if any particular Kobold was active in defending her she also gives them her Impressive Witch Hat (2 Armour)  

House 8: Blacksmith 
Occupants: 1 Horse
Loot: Possible Weapons, Foodbag, Human Size Large Hammer (Heft), Horseshoes (1 Dam), Rope, Leather Straps, Bucket, Broomstick and Nails.

While mostly made of stone, this building barely seems like a dwelling compared to the house across the road, most of the building is a open workshop filled with metal and tools and even at night there is a smell of soot and heat wafting from inside. Beside the building a horse is tied up, a large foodbag hooked around its head and a nearby well. 

More items for your Kobolds to get crafty with, while most of the items here are far too big for a kobold to even consider using succeeding on a 3 Dice Extraneous Roll will allow them to find a Long Dagger that they can use as a Sword (2 Dam).

Removing the feedbag from the horse is another issue, unless the kobold in question has Animal Chum they can expect to be stepped on.

Horse 
12B 4E 2E 5R / 2 AGL / Bash / Kick 2 Dam* / 5 VP
* Anyone stood behind the horse can be struck with a mighty wallop for double damage and sent flying.

Heading Home

Once your Kobolds feel that they have collected enough tribute (or caused enough destruction) once they reach the edge of the map they can be considered to have escaped, once all the Kobolds have escaped (or died) there is one last encounter. 

Scurrying away with your (hopefully) mighty haul you begin the long walk home, thankfully like your trip to Stickston it is uneventful apart from a fortunate (and tasty) snack of crickets. Pushing open the large creaking doors of the ruined manor that sits atop the Grand Larder Cellar of King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) you all feel a angry growl rising from your throat at the sight of three familiar thin spindly human sucking on smoke sticks in the great hall. Spotting you enter the largest of the group laughs gesturing at your loot, they intend to steal your hard earned tribute!

If your group has been behaving at the Hamlet throughout the session this is the chance for their monstrous side to emerge or in the case of those angry evil little Kobolds one final chance for a blood bath.

Drunk Yobbos x 3
4B 4E 6E 4R / 1 AGL / Bully / Fist 1 Dam / 1 VP 

If your group is rather battered and you don't like the idea of possibly ending on a Total Party Kill (while anticlimactic rather fitting for Kobolds) feel free for the commotion to attract the attention of King Torgs (All Hail King Torg!) Royal Guard The Royale Wid Cheez who overwhelm the drunks carrying them away to the cook pot kicking and screaming.

Now that is left is to counting up the individual bonus victory points (VP):
For every 2 Candy returned gain 1 VP.
For food items gain VP equal to amount of Hits the items restores.
If a Baby was brought back and the Kobold responsible is automatically safe from the cook pot and gains a mighty 8 VP.

If the kobolds have any items they wish to attempt to cook they can try now though anyone with less than 5 VP at the end of the game ends up in the cook pot as part of the Tribute meal.
Those with more than 5 VP but less than 10 VP take part in the celebration feast at their usual tables but with first dibs on the various lesser snacks that come, finally those with more than 10 VP are granted a seat at the grand table of King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) and able to sample the delights crafted by King Torgs (All Hail King Torg!) personal cook the Iron Chef himself.  

Finally a little epilogue

Tales of adventure that night spread throughout the warren further fuelled by the hats and costumes you proudly wear, many give you snacks to hear your story of the night and life is easy for a time eventually King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) appoints you his Official Tribute Gatherers for each yearly tribute. 

Bonus epilogue for saving the girl from Bruno:

Time passes and while you've gotten older and more scarred you've kept your Impressive Witch Hat as a mark of your station of Official Tribute Gatherer taking good care of the trophy over the years. Unexpectedly you find yourself escorted into the presence of King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) by the royal guard, by the mighty Lord Of The Chicken Bone Throne stands a tall human Witch whose eyes light up upon seeing you. With a mighty voice his Largeness commands "You are to be chief minion of the troops sent to this Witch."
  

I hope you've all enjoyed this little adventure, please leave comments below and I think I may just leave a few of my own with any further details I decide upon when reviewing this adventure.

For further information on Kobolds Ate My Baby and All Flesh Must Be Eaten see the links below:


Kobolds Ate My Baby - Wikipedia 
Kobolds Ate My Baby - Scribd 3rd Edition
Kobolds Ate My Baby - Deluxx Edition Review
9th Level Games

All Flesh Must Be Eaten - Wikipedia
All Flesh Must Be Eaten - Review

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First of all I apologise for posting this a little late this month unfortunately I haven't been in the best of health and had a bit of difficulty putting fingers to keyboard when it came to putting this all down.

Earlier this month on the 2nd & 3rd I attended North East Retro Gaming (NERG) in Newcastle, I had learned about NERG early this year and was initially not particularly excited about the idea due to the travel but it turns out my friend the delightful lady from Buzy Bobbins loves pinball machines and convinced me to give it a shot and attend with her.

I will say now I was not disappointed and very much enjoyed my time there with it been well worth the trip.

For those of you unfamiliar with the event NERG is a yearly event for the North East of England and NERG 2016 was the 4th annual event with there been hopefully many more to come.
The aim was to collect together 100 video arcade machines, 60 pinball machines and 60 consoles which visitor could view and play alongside various stalls selling classic game and consoles as well various video game toys and paraphernalia.



In addition the event has various competitions such as a Iron Man gaming event were contestants play a series of games and add together their score from each game, a Street Fighter 3 Tournament, a host of tombola's, raffles and a pair of cosplay competition for adults and children.


While there was a series of issues that arose leading up to the event such as a change of venue due to road closures for a local marathon the people behind NERG dealt with them well and kept everyone informed through frequent and detailed updated on their website and by email, they also did a deal with a local hotel the Ramada Encore for special offers for those attending the event. 
This meant that there were slightly fewer machine available this year but I certainly think it was well worth the £25 weekend ticket. 

There were also some issues on the day itself and it was to be expected that these machine (some of them older than myself) may break down over the day but even though the mechanics on hand were amazing often repairing machines in less than 20 minutes and it was certainly interesting to get the chance to look inside a few of these.


One of the most charming elements I found was that with the retro consoles not only was there the chance to play some consoles that never hit European markets but they also had little information plaques next to each one so it was interesting to lean about each machine and its successes and failures. There was also a remarkable amount of games on hand for each console and those that didn't have the physical copies often contained emulators that contained nearly the entire library.

I would advise that if you head to next years  event that you think of a few games you want to play on retro consoles a head of time as it will really help with the overload of choice that can occur.

Since the two of us were together we decided to have a competition of our own and see who was the better retro gamer while we looked around the event.

Our first match was on the absolute classic Tehkan World Cup, aka. Tecmo Cup which was the first multi-player soccer game featuring a trackball controller. Programmed by Michishito Ishizuka it was released to arcades in 1985 by Tehkan, Ltd., the former name of Tecmo.

 
While the trackball was initially tricky to use this turned out to be one of our favourite games of the day as it soon turned to fast passed action and a hard fought 5-3 victory to me.


Our next stop was just next door and another classic, Joust developed by Williams Electronics and released in 1982 is a mixture of cooperative and V.S game play were the goal is to take down waves of other gladiators on flying mounts.

 
This one I firmly dominated setting me ahead in a our little competition but this lead wasn't to last as we moved onto PaperBoy another arcade classic from 1985.


Now I've never been a great player of PaperBoy on home consoles and the unusual controls for the arcade machine certainly didn't help me here and I soon found myself losing all the houses on my route.


This was only the beginning of my losing streak as we moved to Pinball machines where I was quite trounced in the scoreboard.


Since balls in reality were not working in my favour I decided to see if digitally I'd do any better with Marble Madness and its freshly fixed trackball and thankfully things did seem to pick up.


As the day continued we had a lot more games but I think I'm just going to post a few last honourable mentions:


Xavi Bowling on the XaviXPORT: Have you ever seen a console and thought "What The Hell?" thats what we did when we saw this though credit where it is due it actually was fun to play. Victory to me.


Twinkle Star Sprite: We only had ten minutes to try out this bespoke arcade machine by Pixel Arcade so we picked a game a random and found Twinkle Star Sprite a 1996 competitive scrolling shooter arcade game originally created by ADK. 
Whoever came up with this was a genius and it was certainly addictive to play. Victory to Buzy Bobbins. 


Parodius: Just by naming this game I've written myself into a corner, honestly just click the link or type Parodius into Youtube and enjoy the utter random chaos of this parody shooter. Victory to Me

With a narrow victory to me by just 2 games clinching the win on Sunday we headed home, while initially not in the best of moods as we left due to fatigue once we managed to sit and recover we agreed we had a great time. One thing that stood out to me was the general politeness and courtesy of my other con goers, there were very few instances of people shoving past me or bumping into me in spite of the crowd, kids were kept under control and generally everyone was pleasant, friendly and helpful. 

One final thing that really made me smile however was the opportunity to share some of my childhood games on the Amiga 1200 with a friend and been able to go back and replay some of my favourite games.

 
 Now to the bit I simply don't want to write about the GEEKS Lincoln Comic-Con 2016 that was on the 9th & 10th. Now if you've been following the blog you'll know I enjoyed last years event but was with slight disappointment due to the shambles of a cosplay competition  and that I had worries about this years event due to its relocation to Epic Centre on the Lincolnshire Showground.

If I had to describe this years event in a word it would have to be Meh.

If I could have two words it would be: Over Priced.

If I could three words it would be No Travel Options. 

Seeing a pattern yet?

I only attended the Saturday of this years event rather than the full weekend for two reasons, firstly my experience of the previous year was that its possible to see everything in a single day and second there are no local buses that travel up past the Lincolnshire Showground on a Sunday making it not possible for me to attend.

Considering the Epic Centre is extremely expensive to hire and there is a number of similar or larger venues located amongst Lincoln I can only guess that the choice was influenced by the availability of parking. Its been suggested that the target audience has also shifted towards those with a large  disposable income and that the increase in price and requirement for a car to attend is a way of dissuading poorer attendees who are less likely to purchase items at the event and this makes sense, when I was there it honestly felt like I was in a tourist trap of a convention.

Now on the lead up to the event GEEKs were relatively poor with their organisation of information and feedback on the events Facebook page, information like local transport options and day schedules were posted but were buried under general chatter and questions and their own drive to push for more ticket purchases.    


While the event on the day was better organised with events been announced over tannoy there were still issues with microphone failures and the ticket checking was slowed considerably by only a single person having a working bar code scanner which left us queuing in the rain.

Once in it was goody bag time for the early entry and whilst there were several varieties of goody bag they had all been sorted into boxes so if you attended with a group you would would usually end up with nearly identical stuff. My lucky dip was a DVD of Batman Gotham Knight, a Sign of the Deathly Hallows necklace and a Blake7 poster which together was worth about £5 hardly exciting stuff but to be expected, I managed to get a peak at a few other bags and there were a mixture of books and other DVDs.  

As we entered the event was split into three sections, the entrance area where the Epic Centres Catering had set up with tables and chairs, last year there had been some concerns over the lack of available food venues so this was a welcome sight while I brought myself a packed lunch and can't personally comment on the food other than the outrageous prices (£3.50 for a small tart that costs 80p elsewhere, £10 for a Sandwich, typical convention mark up to ripoff visitors) it seems the catering group screwed up badly with people reporting been made ill by the chips (bad or unclean oil has been suggested) and one person found that their sandwich upon opening was moldy.


The second section was the collection of shop stalls, while I mention last year I was a little disappointed by the stalls been a bit repetitive, well someone must of read that and passed the word along since this year there was but a single anime related stall (a stack of pre owned mangas ) and a box containing about 8 XBox games (I refuse to acknowledge that as a video games stall). No, this years theme was mixed meme shirts, posters, old collectable Star Wars, Doctor Who and Thunder Bird figures or various toys which was interesting for the first two stalls then got repetitive and crushed my dreams of my old toys been worth anything.
Oh and Pop figures, Pop figures as far as the the eye could see. 


Somehow with more stalls there was less variety though there were a few oddities like the little comic themed cravat scarf for dogs, or made as you wait rubber cosplay supplier and outfitter who had two stalls for some reason, or the hama bead artist who stole all their designs from Deviant Art and Pintrest but in all honesty I'm having trouble recalling anything note worthy or memorable.
       
To summarise I enjoy stalls at these events because they are unusual, because they offer new or uncommon goods and experiences, because they are selling items I would find difficult to obtain however this felt like I was going through a huge Forbidden Planet Bargain Bin with the same few items on offer over and over. Don't get me wrong I like pops but they are honestly beginning to tick me off on how they are just taking over convention stalls.

Having managed to look at the entire range of items on offer in less than 30 minutes from entering I was dishearten to put it generously and decided to spend the rest of the day watching the panels.


The final section was various seating arrangements for guests to sign autographs and various photo shoots with a small area off to the side with chairs where the panels took place, like most convention prices often started at £15 and went up from there for autographs and photos depending on the actor but unlike most conventions there was very little queuing time which many autograph hunters said was a great bonus.
This was also the area for their retro gaming section but more on that later.


As someone who is a occasional causal viewer of Doctor Who the early morning panel wasn't of any particular interest to me but I wanted to see if there were any interesting insights, while the actors introduced themselves I still had no clue what characters they were (apart from Winston Churchill) but the crowd was a bit hesitant with questions to begin with and just as the questions began to pick up the hour was over.

With no interest on watching little kids do light saber training and having seen it all at the Sheffield comic con I went to see the cosplays of the new arrivals as the doors now opened to the normal ticket holders and amongst the typical super hero costumes there was some real gems.


Just a special mention here while Deadpool is a pretty common sight about the con now days this chap had the goofing around attitude which makes Deadpool a fun cosplay to play.

With a little more time to kill I noticed a stumbled across the retro gaming section initially mistaking it as part of a neighbouring stall that was selling second hand odds and ends, now I wasn't expecting another NERG but Sheffield Comic con had managed a few XBoxs and arcade machines and what did Lincoln have? Four Plug and Play knock off consoles of a Mega Drive, & Atari which were decent and the and a god awful pair of ColecoVision & Intellivision which perfectly replicated how the originals barely worked and was horrible to play.


Getting over the fact that advertising this as a retro gaming section was barely technically correct I noticed that there was no signs or notes or staff, the "consoles" had just been plonked down and left. As the only person old enough to actually have a few very early childhood memories of the ColecoVision & Intellivision and thus a chance to figure out the terrible menu selection and controls I found myself instructing several fellow bored looking curious onlookers on how the damn things worked.

Understandably most people who tried gave up after a single game due to the unresponsive pads that just didn't work most of the time and tried to get a go on the far more popular Mega Drive but some guy was determined to finish Alien Storm and wasn't coming off the machine after losing all his continues.


With another hour ebbed out painfully slowly I returned to the panel as the kids filtered off from their light saber training, I was ready for My Dalek Has A Puncture as from the title it sounded interesting and I was guessing it would be cosplay or comedy related. When I discovered it was a autobiography I suppressed a groan but decided to listen anyway on the chance it would be somewhat interesting or at least I tried.

With the initial error of the laptop not working so there would be no presentation with the panel this was followed up by microphone errors every few minutes growing ever more frequent, while Mr Becker tried to continue it was difficult to hear him as the increased attendance of the con had risen the background noise considerably. Then as a finishing blow various groups of people obviously not interested in the panel used the area for a sit down break talking loudly over him, I've not had the desire to slap people so hard for a while now.

Giving up on the panel I decided to take a bathroom break only to be accosted midway by someone making a fuss over over my cosplay, pleasantly surprised and a bit disorientated by the sudden attention I realised they thought I was a different character as I had removed my Payday 2 mask when I politely apologised and explained I was in fact a different character they started trying to shame me for wearing a video game cosplay to a comic event. 

No I am not a social butterfly at these events, I'm not the type to go up and bond with people over costumes or just introduce myself as I tend to interact with people better over joint tasks and working together so I wasn't expecting to make a hundred or so friends but this was the final nail in coffin in the convention for me as something in my head just clicked. So with walking away a "F$%k you and F$%k this S$%ty con" I went off to finish my business before returning to my friend to explain that while I did want to see the stand up, the cosplay competition and the Red Dwarf panel I wasn't prepared to wait about bored out of my skull for another few hours and that I was leaving but they were welcome to stay.    

Unfortunately they were also finding it difficult to find things to do and were reluctant to stay without me even though they really wanted to see the Red Dwarf Panel, so we both ended up leaving annoyed and generally upset and miserable. 

So well done Lincoln Comic Con I think my biggest frustration is the mixture of disappointment and anger caused by the whole thing, in spite of everything I had managed to get myself excited for the event and feeling positive only to have it crushed by the utter boredom of the day.  

I shouldn't be clock watching praying for time to move faster during an event I'm supposed to find fun because the organisers expect us to be bottomless wallets and the presence of generally inconsiderate crappy people.
Combined with the fact that the ticket was bought for me as a gift and while I get angry if I feel like my money has been wasted it makes me even angrier when its other peoples money spent on my behalf.  

It almost makes it worse that a lot of people had a great time and that a lot of first time convention goers loved it and that GEEKS actually had a positive turnout, if it was a complete mess of an event then I would feel justified in having found it so generally tedious. It just makes it all the more obvious that I'm not really the target audience and that Lincoln Comic Con is focused now towards celebrity autographs and photos.         

Since GEEKS have stated their "new permanent home from this year onwards is the massive Epic Centre on the Lincolnshire Showground" this will be most likely the last review on the GEEKS Lincoln Comic Con I will write, because honestly for the price and content it better for me to go to Sheffield, Nottingham or Skegness events because they will have more to do there, have better public transport links and if the event turns out to be a bit dull I can go and see the local sights and amusements rather been trapped waiting for a once every 2 hour bus that costs over £5 each way.

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